Is It Really Better to Give Than to Receive? Ans By Love Makers

By: Love Makers
We have all heard the bible verse that it is better to give than to receive but that may not necessarily be the case. In fact, this may be at the root of the breakdown of a relationship.
More relationships have been ruined because one does all the giving and the other one does all the taking. In other words, it's not a balanced relationship and this often causes resentment in both partners.
This is one of the ways it could play out: A couple may start out with the understanding that since they both go to work, it's only fair that they divide the household chores equally between them. The wife may take the cooking and the husband may take the laundry and for several months, this division of labor is working very well. Ans By Love Makers
One day, the wife gets home from work early and she finishes the cooking in record time and then she decides to surprise her husband by doing his chore, the laundry. When he comes home and discovers that his wife has done the laundry and he has clean clothing, he is ecstatic. He thanks his wife exuberantly and they are both in a great mood that night. Ans By Love Makers
This goes on for a while. The wife has been getting off early each week and when she finishes her cooking she does his laundry. However, as the weeks go by, his enthusiasm seems to diminish and by the time a month has passed, he's barely acknowledging that she has been doing his chore and her own.
Then, one day the wife is very busy at work and when she gets home she barely has time to get dinner on the table. After dinner, the husband goes looking for a clean shirt and sees that all of his shirts are in the dirty laundry. He's really angry because he has to go somewhere that evening and he has nothing to wear.
"Where are my shirts," he asks. "They must be in the laundry," answers his wife. "Why didn't you do the laundry?" he asks in a very demanding tone of voice, "Now I don't have a clean shirt for tonight. Instead of the wife telling him that the laundry is his job, she starts to make all kinds of excuses for why she didn't do it.
No one likes to be taken for granted. When you show appreciation, most people will bend over backward to please you. But there is also an underlying lesson to be learned and that is when you do too much it becomes expected and, then when you stop doing, the other person gets angry and can't understand why you are no longer giving as much as you used to. And this can very often be the beginning of the breakdown of a relationship because the giving and the receiving need to be balanced. Ans By Love Makers

Connie H. Deutsch is an internationally known business consultant and personal advisor who has a keen understanding of human nature and is a natural problem-solver. Ans By Love Makers
Connie is the author of the books, "Whispers of the Soul," "A Slice of Life," "Whispers of the Soul for the Rest of Your Life," "From Where I'm Sitting," "View from the Sidelines," "Reaching for the Brass Ring of Life," "Purple Days and Starry Nights," "Here and There," "And That's How it Goes," and "The Counseling Effect." Her website: Click Here See more of her articles by clicking here Love Makers Articles

Living With an Addict - Alcoholic Adive From Love Makers

 By: Love Makers

Living with an addict can be a living hell. Unpredictable and dangerous, yet sometimes exciting and romantic. Never knowing when we'll be blamed or accused. Not being able to dependably plan social events. As the addict becomes more irresponsible, we pick up the slack and do more, often becoming the sole functioning parent or even the sole provider; yet we're unable to lean on our partner for comfort or support. Meanwhile, we rescue him or her from disasters, medical emergencies, accidents, or jail, make excuses for no-shows at work and family gatherings, and patch up damaged property, relationships, and self-inflicted mishaps. We may also endure financial hardship, criminality, domestic violence, or infidelity due to the addict's behavior. We worry, feel angry, afraid, and alone. We hide our private lives from friends, co-workers, and even family to cover up the problems created by addiction or alcoholism. Our shame isn't warranted; nonetheless, we feel responsible for the actions of the addict. Our self-esteem deteriorates from the addict's lies, verbal abuse, and blame. Our sense of safety and trust erodes as our isolation and despair grow. My focus is on alcoholism, but many of the feelings partner's experience are the same, regardless of the type of addiction. Alcoholism is considered a disease. Like other addiction, it's a compulsion that worsens over time. Alcoholics drink to ease their emotional pain and emptiness. Some try to control their drinking and may be able to stop for a while, but once alcohol dependency takes hold, most find it impossible to drink like non-alcoholics. When they try to curb their drinking, they eventually end up drinking more than they intend despite their best efforts not to. No matter what they say, they aren't drinking because of you, nor because they're immoral or lack willpower. They drink because they have a disease and an addiction. They deny this reality and rationalize or blame their drinking on anything or anyone else. Denial is the hallmark of addiction. Drinking is considered an "Alcohol Use Disorder," when there's a pattern of use causing impairment or distress manifested by at least two of the following signs within a year, when the person:
From Love Makers

1. Drinks alcohol in greater amounts or for a longer period than was intended
2. Has a persistent desire or has made failed attempts to reduce or control drinking
3. Spends great time in activities to obtain or use alcohol or to recover from its effects
4. Has a strong desire to drink alcohol
5. Fails to meet obligations at work, school, or home due to recurrent drinking
6. Drinks despite the recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or worsened as a result
7. Stops or reduces important activities due to drinking
8. Drinks when it's physically hazardous to do so
9. Drinks despite a recurrent physical or psychological problem caused or worsened as a result
10. Develops tolerance (needs increased amounts to achieve desired effect)
11. Has withdrawal symptoms from disuse, such as tremor, insomnia, nausea, anxiety, agitation
12. From Love Makers

Alcoholism is "a family disease." It's said that at least five other people experience the effects of each drinker's alcoholism, coined "secondhand drinking," by Lisa Frederiksen. We try to control the situation, the drinking, and the alcoholic. If you live with an alcoholic, you're affected most, and children severely suffer because of their vulnerability and lack of maturity, especially if their mother or both parents are addicts. It's painful to helplessly watch someone we love slowly destroy him or herself, our hopes and dreams, and our family. We feel frustrated and resentful from repeatedly believing the addict's broken promises and from trying to control an uncontrollable situation. This is our denial. In time, we become as obsessed with the alcoholic as he or she is with alcohol. We may look for him or her in bars, count his or her drinks, pour out booze, or search for bottles. As it says in Al-Anon's "Understanding Ourselves," "All our thinking becomes directed at what the alcoholic is doing or not doing and how to get the drinker to stop drinking." Without help, our codependency follows the same downward trajectory of alcoholism. There is hope, and there is help for the addict and for codependent family members. The first step is to learn as much as you can about alcoholism and codependency. Many of the things we do to help an addict or alcoholic are counterproductive and actually can make things worse. Listen to the experience, strength, and hope of others in recovery. Al-Anon Family Groups can help. You will learn: From Love Makers
• Not to suffer because of the actions or reactions of other people
• Not to allow ourselves to be used or abused by others in the interest of another's recovery
• Not to do for others what they can do for themselves
• Not to manipulate situations so others will eat, go to bed, get up, pay bills, not drink, or behave as we see fit
• Not to cover up for another's mistakes or misdeeds
• Not to create a crisis
• Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events*
Attend an Al-Anon meeting in your area or online. Read and do the exercises in my book, Codependency for Dummies.
*Reprinted with permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.

Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, expert in relationships, codependency, addiction and author of Codependency for Dummies and Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You. She has a broad range of experience, working with individuals and couples for 25 years. She is an author and frequent speaker. She maintains private practice in Santa Monica, CA and coaches internationally. For more information, see LOVE MAKERS HERE to receive a FREE Report, "14 Tips for Letting Go," and find links to her books and ebooks, How to Speak Your Mind- Become Assertive and Set Limits, 10 Steps to Self-Esteem: The Ultimate Guide to Stop Self-Criticism and Codependency Daily Reflections.
You can follow her on Facebook at CLICK HERE

Three French Hens and Other Christmas Delights With Love Makers

By: Love Makers

Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves and A Partridge in a Pear Tree
With Love Makers
For some reason, the idea of French hens struck my fancy. I wondered if there were any distinctive French ones and what distinguished them. It turns out that there are three varieties of French hens- Poulet de Bress, Maran and Feuerolles, all excellent egg layers, especially in the winter. So I guess mention of three French hens in the song is appropriate.
I didn't take time to research the other gifts in the song. The Christmas season would be over by the time I did. Yet this season offers many delights to tickle our senses, our emotions and our souls. Everyone seems to be quite busy during this time and might not stop to savor what surrounds you. Here are a few delights in case you missed them.
Let's start with the senses. Vision- It's hard to miss all the decorations around us. New York has Rockefeller Center and the great tree. Stafford, New York has the Red Osier Restaurant and surrounding trees lit to your heart's content. Houses vary from wreaths to a few lights to elaborate displays drawing crowds of neighbors from near and far.
Hearing- Carols and hymns fill the air in churches, malls, stores, the radio, and sometimes the streets. You can hear people humming or whistling Christmas tunes as they walk by. If you attend a Christmas Eve celebration in a barn, you can hear the animals making themselves known in their unique ways.
Smell- Christmas trees and candles surround us with their evergreen aromas marking the season. Turkey and Christmas cookie smells bring back memories of past Christmas celebrations. They also foretell what we can expect at the table. With Love Makers
Taste- For most people, Christmas involves a meal of celebration with family, friends and other loved ones. The combination of tastes is often unique to the Christmas meal.
Touch- Christmas is a time of embrace. We hug those we love as we cherish them and also get a little closer to people we might not hug again until next Christmas.
Christmas is also a time of traditions. Each family has its own time set aside to be together. We also find time to be with or at least contact those we love by phone or Christmas cards. It is a time to remember those who are no longer with us and the wonderful times we had with them when they were alive. The end of the year is a time to reflect on what we have accomplished and what we have not quite gotten to this year.
For Christians, Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus. For all of us, Christian or not, it is a time to cherish the babies and children in our lives and to thank God for blessing us with them.
Life Lab Lessons With Love Makers
· Take time from your busy schedule to notice what delights surround you.
· Stop thinking, planning or fretting for a moment to let your senses treat you.
· Be grateful for what you have.
· Share yourself with those you love and with those who have no one to love them.
· Enjoy and learn from babies' fresh approach to life.

Joseph G. Langen is the author of 5 Ebooks, Commonsense Wisdom for Everyday Life, Young Man of the Cloth, Navigating Life, The Pastor's Inferno and Release Your Life and Reclaim Your Life. See more about his writing at Love Maker Guide Contact Me at: : Love Makers

Make Life Bigger Than "Yes" Versus "No With Love Makers

 By : Love Makers

Many people want you to stop saying "Yes" to everything. It's overloading your life, sapping your energy, and keeping you from doing the meaningful stuff. Jeff Goins calls this "the small but soul-crushing word you use every day."
Their solution? Say "No."
This recommendation isn't wrong, just incomplete. What it leaves out are two other legitimate responses to requests. By incorporating these into your repertoire, you not only free yourself from overscheduling. You also live a bigger life.
But first... With Love Makers
The virtues of saying "No"
Let's give "No" its due. If you're the kind of person who agrees to everything, making more frequent use of "No" helps you:

• Avoid overcommitting yourself. This one is pretty obvious.
• Focus on what matters most. Having less on your plate gives you time to consider what is truly important to you-and then focus on it.
• Preserve your dignity. Declining a request can be an act of integrity. It's not just that you feel better. You actually become a person who has the right and capacity to choose.
• Increase your credibility. People will trust your "Yeses" more when they hear you say "No." They'll know you took the time to assess your skill, interest, and availability in bringing about what was asked. With Love Makers

In short, it often pays to say yes to "No."
But not all of the time.
One alternative to "Yes" versus "No"
You're in the middle of a meeting and someone hands you a note. (Yeah, I know. It would really be a text message or tweet. But humor me here.) The note says, "Luke insists on borrowing your light saber next Thursday. What should I tell him?" You're immersed in the conversation, and this is a big commitment, so you write back, "Tell him I'll let him know tomorrow morning."
Alright, dear readers, is this a "Yes" or a "No?"
It's neither. You're saying I'll get back to you with an answer. Some people call this "buying time" or "stall tactics." I call it a Promise to Reply Later. The difference is more than semantics. When you promise to reply later, you are not avoiding commitment. You are making a commitment. And people can feel this. You can feel this.
Let's set aside my Luke/light saber example for a moment and consider a more everyday business example. You run a manufacturing organization. Your peer, Amy, interfaces between you and the sales organization. She asks you if you can produce 50,000 units by the end of November. She is under a lot of pressure from the sales folks and wants your answer now-or so it seems. In the past, you might have said "Yes" to keep her happy, show that you're in charge, or avoid your boss's wrath.
But this time is different. You're ready to practice a new response. You say, "Amy, this is a serious commitment, and I know you've got sales breathing down your neck. I want to give you a firm commitment of what I can produce and when I can produce it. To do this, I need 48 hours, and then I promise to give you an answer. Will this work for you?" With Love Makers
Amy might be disappointed by not having an immediate response, but will she view you as unconcerned about her interests, weak, or flaky? Not likely. Because you've acknowledged her situation and made a sincere commitment. Not to manufacture X amount, but to get back to her by a specific time.
It may seem a small thing, but you've simultaneously increased your degrees of freedom and shown up in a powerful way. You have made your life bigger than it was a moment ago.
What are some other times you may choose to promise to reply later?
Useful times to promise to reply later

• Your attention is on something else. You don't have a moment to think.
• You are tired, cranky, wired, on a new medication, or otherwise not in the best physical condition to make a grounded response.
• You aren't clear on what's been requested and may need to get clarification before responding.
• Your ability to fulfill the promise depends on other people helping you. It would be wise to get their commitment before giving yours.
• You have a habit of immediately saying "Yes" and want to pause to respond more mindfully.
• You have a habit of immediately saying "No" and want to pause to respond more mindfully.
• Your relationship with the other person is sticky or complicated, so you need time to place this request in the context of the relationship.
• You just need more time. With Love Makers

Now, let's say you're in one of these situations. You're not ready to say "Yes" or "No." But you also don't want to be one of those people who delay responding out of flakiness. You want to stand in integrity. How can you ensure you are doing this?
A few tips

• Commit to getting back to the other person by a particular day or time. You are not blowing off the person. You are making a commitment to them. Not "I'll let you know" or "I'll think about it." Those are too vague. What you say instead is "I'll let you know by Wednesday evening." Or, better yet, "I'll let you know by Wednesday at 7pm."
• When you say this, you need to mean it. You have to be willing to stand by your commitment. Sincerity matters.
• Follow through. Whatever you need to do to decide how you will respond, you do it. And then respond by the promised time. Of course, when Wednesday at 7pm comes around, you may realize Gee I'm still not sure how to respond to this request. These things happen. What's important is that you communicate this to the other person. Worried that they'll think you're flaky for doing this? That's possible, but the really flaky behaviors are agreeing to a promise you know you cannot keep or not responding by the promised time. With Love Makers

So the next time you're not sure whether to say "Yes" or "No," consider promising to reply later.
In my next post, I'll introduce a fourth legitimate response to a request: the counteroffer.
Join the Conversation
With Love Makers
I love hearing your comments and questions about these blog posts. Here is today's question:
Question: When was the last time you promised to reply later? CONTINUE READING

Graduating From Loneliness To Solitude,Solve With Love Makers

 By: Love Makers

There is still hope.
My spouse will respect and love me again.
In the early years of our marriage, we had mutual respect and love.
It vanished long ago.
Past Solve With Love Makers
It was a conditional love.
"I love you, but... " she always said.
I didn't realize then.
Later, she kept telling me that I was invariably wrong in whatever I did.
I always said, "Sorry", even if I was right.
She believed that she was always right.
Her respect for me, slowly turned into tolerance.
Her love for me changed into hatred.
But hopes never die.
I have waited for a change in her attitude for decades.
Staying together, was important for children's sake.
There were difficult moments.
It was humiliating at times.
I often apologised orally and in writing.
Her king-sized ego was ever ready for a clash.
I was never rigid in my attitude.
I reassured her after every conflict, that I would change my life for the better.
I wished, " If only, my spouse could accept me, as I was!"
I am a normal, imperfect human being.
I am honest, not a manipulator.
I am a mediocre, and not an efficient human being.
Yet, I am capable of looking after my family.
But I was not good enough for her - as she perceived.
Our married life lacked harmony.
There were always complaints against me.
"You are incapable of even providing my basic needs.
My parents look after that."
Was it true?
It doesn't matter.
It was a painful realization.
I don't remember the last occasion, when we laughed together.
Present Solve With Love Makers
Now the children are well settled in life and our parenting role is over.
Should we seek their help to act as mediators or moderators?
Parental conflicts should not involve children.
But then who else can help us?
Why not to face the music of my life on my own?
Onus falls on me.
Should I continue to live the last years of my life, as I have lived so far?
How can I rebuild her respect for me?
What do I want in my life?
Let me correct, my mindset:
(a) first - my self-respect, and
(b) second - my respect for family members.
I owe gratitude only to my parents.
With siblings, spouse, and others, we live life on an equal footing.
Should I really try to set my record straight?
Is it too late?
Of late, there has been a marked change in her behavior.
She believes that she can face the world better, if she was alone.
She bade me 'good-bye' in her mind, from her life, 15 years ago.
I didn't realize it then.
In her judgement, I was not good enough to continue our relationship.
I learnt it a year ago, when she communicated to me.
But, hopes never die.
I still have a hope, "She will realize my worth."
But I can't beg love.
I can't beg respect.
Yes, I will bear it calmly.
I will never be annoyed on this issue.
I am thankful for decades old sweet and sour memories of decades of shared life.
I know - the good old days are far away, out of my reach now.
It is painful, but a harsh reality of life.
Analysis Solve With Love Makers
When I look back, where did I go wrong?
I was not greedy.
I was not unfaithful.
I was sincere to my family.
Her condescending behavior did little to cheer up the relationship.
But I need spouse's affection to survive.
I can't seek it elsewhere.
I am a civilized human being.
My actions should never cause embarrassment to my family.
This was God's will.
I accept His writ.
Let me live my life cool and march out quietly.
Let me keep my griefs, and expectations within.
It is not worth sharing.
We are all busy in our daily chores.
If I am not an asset to my spouse, let me not be a liability to my family.
We are all lonely.
Who said," If you want to live lonely, get married."?
Ha! ha!!
"But, I love you... ", I asserted always.
"I love you, but... ", was the reply.
Only God loves us unconditionally.
Let me live in solitude with Him.
Amen! Solve With Love Makers Here

Thoughts on God, Man and Life With Love Makers

 

By: Love Makers

Do you not think it is time to take God seriously? If you look back on your life, are there not some things you wish you had not done? Sure! We all have!
But where are you now? Have you learned anything from pass experiences?
Making mistakes in life is common to all of us. However, the question is what we do, after the mistakes. Do we recognize them? Do we cover them up? Do we blame others?
Or are we sorry for what we have done; and seek to make amends?
Our conscience, for sure, would thank us and reward us for our repentance. God would also be pleased with our honest attitude towards life. With Love Makers
Fortunately or unfortunately, humankind has to learn from his mistakes. Therefore, when he does not, his situation is pathetic--to say the least.
Mankind has experienced, and continues to experience many self-inflicted failures and tragedies. Many have attempted to go through the complexities of life--without the aid of wisdom.
The problem is--man did not create life He knows very little about it!
Some are surprised to know that there is Someone always present, who knows our thoughts, plans and actions--even before we conceive them!
God knows all this! Are you surprise? Do not be! He is God. He created us! He must know everything about us! With Love Makers
Now you may question, if God knows everything about us, and He loves us; why does He allow humankind to do things harmful to others and to themselves.
This raises another very important matter. It is the matter of being free moral-beings. It is the power of choice!
Our being free moral beings, is not to be taken lightly! Here is where humankind often brings hardship and tragedy on themselves. Some use their freedom as license, to do whatever their senses and minds tell them to do--things usually harmful to themselves or others.
Furthermore, it appears each generation has moved a little further away than the previous one, from the center of truth; or doing the right thing.
Having said that, one may argued, each succeeding generation faced more temptations, challenges, and pitfalls, than the preceding one! With Love Makers
However, God will eventually make all wrong things right--among His creation.
Many persons have great difficulty in appreciating an attribute of God called--justice. They mistakenly think He is not aware of it or He ignores it.
However, we are all accountable and responsible for the way we live here on earth:
Those who believe in justice, often wonder why God takes, so long to make wrong things right!
This leads to another attribute of God --His patience or long-suffering!
What do we know about God's patience? Why is He patient and long-suffering with us?
It is because we are disobedient and rebellious. We love to have our own way. Nevertheless, God loves us unconditionally. He is not willing that any should perish. We need to take full advantage of our present window of Grace--while He offers it to us. With Love Makers
"... now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation" 2 Corinthians 6:2.

Truth cannot be destroyed. When you embrace Truth, you are considered wise in the eyes of God the Creator. When you find Truth, you cannot keep it to yourself! You want to pass it on. More Reading So Go Love Makers Blog Here

Passing On Ego Clashes To Next Generation With Love Makers

 By: Love Makers

Parents With Love Makers
A spouse, 60 years, announced one day:
" Enough! I can't stand you any more. Let's part ways."
It shocked the other spouse.
They had ego clashes, occasionally in the past.
At times it appeared that they both have rigid attitudes.
It looked an incorrigible situation.
Time is always a great healer.
It moderates the temperaments.
Every time after clashes, they were back to their normal self.
With passage of time, every situation solved itself.
Now, God will help them again.
The angry spouse will cool down soon.
We all worry With Love Makers
As long as we are alive, we have problems and we worry.
We have an ongoing problem, we are eager to sort it out.
When one problem is over, another problem creeps in.
This is life.
When we die, there are no problems.
When we have done with our problems, it is not the end.
We have our children's problem, waiting to erupt.
We worry for children and grandchildren
In Oriental societies, still it is parenting duty to marry children.
The Western culture is creeping in slowly.
Still after marriage of children, parents look after grandchildren as well.
They pray to God for a happy, long married life of children.
Parents seek God's blessings for them.
Parents remember the tough times they had.
They pray to God, to spare their children, from the trauma of ego clashes.
Ego clashes, and verbal duels between the spouses have a silver lining!
Remember the exhilarating feeling of warm romance with your spouse, after reconciliation!
A great experience, worth fighting again, if we can reconcile later!
But life isn't so simple.
History repeats itself. With Love Makers
Today the parents are on the verge of divorce.
After couple of decades, the next generation is the stage actor, in the same role.
Ego clashes passed on to younger generation
The son-in-law is 'tired of their loving daughter' and wants to walk out of the marriage.
He does not give any reason.
He is 'just tired' and fed up.
The daughter is surprised, at the new development.
She doesn't understand, " But, why?"
She does house-hold duties, and is: a devoted wife, a dedicated mother, and is a working wife.
What more, a husband can ask?
They had no fight, in the recent past.
They have a good love-life.
The news was a shock.
Why do spouses undergo such experience?
God has to bless humanity with more tolerance.
The parents can only pray to God.
It all depends upon the attitudes of spouses.
Egos are indispensable With Love Makers
When egos clash, nobody is willing to bend.
We can dispense with the spouse, but not with the ego.
We can dispense with the children, siblings, parents, and may be even God, but not with ego.
We are unhappy due to ego clashes, but we cling to our egos.
All religions advise us, to shed the ego.
May God bless humanity. With Love Makers
Why He is watching us, as a neutral observer?
I fail to understand! MORE INFO CLICK HERE

Meaning of Lust: Is It Bad? Ans From Lve Makers

By: Love Makers

The Bhagwad Gita the word of the Lord Krishna says "One who is able to withstand the impulse of lust and anger before death is a yogI ". Thus the Gita accepts lust as a normal human failing and says that if one has to become a Yogi, then one must withstand the temptation of lust. The Gita further adds in verse 21 of chapter 16 that the three kinds of doorways to hell are lust, anger and greed tell Love Makers
Most religions including the Christian religion look on lust as something to be avoided to reach God. What is lust? Lust is an emotional force that is directly associated with the thinking or fantasizing of a mans mind. To kill this fantasy is not easy. Perhaps if you are a yogi it may be possible but for a normal man this dream is an essential part of everyday life. There is chemistry involved and no scientist has yet been able to decipher this code. Why should man lust for one particular woman and not for another? Love Makers
What happens to a man who lusts for the girl next door? It is desire and is something that cannot be suppressed. It is a human failing, but this chemistry is also created by god, yet god cautions against Lusting. In this connection it is worth looking into what Acharya Rajneesh says. As per Rajneesh the cause of the misery of man is want and lust is at the top. In case a man can somehow reach what he lust for he may very well realize that this lusting is like mythical chimera and happiness does not flow automatically. But it makes the man realize that lusting is not the end all and be all of life. Love Makers
The Acharya also cautions against the 'guilt complex' which may come to haunt a man who has lusted for a particular woman. This is more harmful than lust and could shatter the psyche of a man. Love Makers
It must be understood that what the scriptures write is for a man who is aspiring to become a superman. Sometimes this is not possible as in all cases a majority of human beings are people who live a mundane life. For such people a fantasy is an important crunch in life. I do feel that lusting is a normal human failing and perhaps once you have gratified your lust, you will be the wiser for it and then what the Gita says will be properly understood. More Info So Go Love Makers Guide

Relationships: Why Do Some Men Fear Intimacy? With Love Makers

 By: Love Makers

While men and women are both human, they are often portrayed as being radically different. It is clear that they are different on the outside, but what is not as clear is that there are differences when it comes to their brain structure.With Love Makers
One outlook is that these differences are due to genetics, and there is another view that says these differences are the result of socialisation. This means that men and women are not that different, what have made us different are the environments we have lived in.
However, regardless of whether it is nature or nurture or a bit of both, there are generally differences. For instance, women are often seen as the ones who want to settle down and have a relationship and men are not.
The Modern Day With Love Makers
But although this has been the case for so long, as times have changed and gender roles are no longer as defined, it is not always this black and white. In the past, men were seen as the bread winners and the women were the ones who stayed at home; yet in today's world, it can be the other way round.
There is less pressure for men and women to act in a certain way and it is now a lot easier for them to be who they want to be. This doesn't apply to every part of the world of course, but it is something that is taking place in the west.
Freedom With Love Makers
As men and women contain both the masculine and the feminine within them, this is one example of how people are embracing their true self. A woman no longer needs to act 'like a woman' and a man no longer needs to 'act like a man'.
It would be inaccurate to say that men and woman have always acted a certain way, as there have always been differences. Yet in the past, there was more pressure and this pressure is gradually disappearing.
Change
However, even though the labels that each gender are given don't always reflect reality, it doesn't mean that they will no longer be used. Through labelling one gender as being a certain way, it stops people from having to think and from taking responsibility for what is taking place in their life.
For example, if one's experience with the opposite sex is always the same, it might be normal for them to take this as evidence that they are all the same. Another approach would be for them to look at what is taking place within them and to see what part they are playing. This is because one is not simply an observer of their reality; they are the co-creators of it.
Emotional Needs With Love Makers
Women are often seen as emotional creatures and men are often seen as having a more logical approach. This can create the impression that women are unable to be logical and that men don't have the ability to relate on an emotional level.
Based on this, women have emotional needs and men don't; what they do have is physical needs. It is then normal for women to want a relationship and for men to just want sex.
Validation With Love Makers
If a woman comes into contact with a man who is only interested in fulfilling his physical needs, it can be seen as normal. It is then black and white, and that's all there is to it. This could be something she has always experienced and each experience could validate the outlook that she has.
Maintaining the outlook that all men are the same is not going to allow one to attract men who are different. And while some men may act as though they only have physical needs, it doesn't mean all men are the same.
Men
There are going to be men out there who are in touch with their emotional needs and some who are not. If they are not in touch with their emotional needs, it is going to be a challenge for them to be intimate with a woman.
Instead, one could end up having sex as a way to experience intimacy. Their heart is not going to be open, but it gives them an instant experience of feeling connected to another. The illusion of intimacy can then be created but one is likely to feel empty shortly after.
Conflict With Love Makers
Just because someone needs something, it doesn't mean that they feel safe having it. On one side, one could have the need to experience intimacy and on the other, one could fear intimacy.
They might find that when they start to get close to another it is overwhelming or one might not even get this far. In the beginning it might be fine, but once things start to pick up, they might feel the need to pull away.
What's going on?
So as one has the need to experience intimacy but also fears it, it could be heard for them to understand what is going on. Yet, if one was to take look at how they mothers treated them during their childhood, they might soon realise why they feel as they do.
This could have been a time where one was used by their mothers to take care of their needs and this would have caused one's needs to be overlooked. On one hand, their mother may have been self-absorbed and on the other, they may have been smothering.
Out of Touch With Love Makers
So when one did receive attention, it would have been for their mothers benefit and not their own. And as their mother was out of touch with their needs, one would have felt smothered and trapped by her attention. When this wasn't the case, they may have been emotionally and/or physically abandoned.
Their mother wouldn't have been able to see them as being separate; instead, one would have been seen as extension of their mother and there to meet her needs. This is also likely to have been a time where there was too much energy being directed towards them by their mother (and sometimes the wrong type of energy), and this may have been due to the fact that their mother was single or emotionally disconnected from one's father or the man that she was with.
Awareness With Love Makers
This can then set a man up to fear being smothered on one side and to fear being abandoned on the other. The fear of abandoned can then cause them to come on strong, but the fear of being smothered can then cause them to pull away soon after.
While one is no longer a child, the emotional experiences of the past will have remained trapped in their body. The assistance of a therapist, healer and/or a support group can allow one to face and release these emotional experiences.

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy." More Article So GO

Relationships: Is The Fear Of Abandonment Causing You To Get Attached Too Soon? Ans With Love Makers

By: Love Makers

There are people who like to take their time when it comes to the beginning of a relationship, and then there are others who go in head first. And based on how they behave, it is safe to say that they are both having a different inner experience.With Love Makers
However, just because one may have a pattern of behaving in a certain way, it doesn't mean that they will always behave in the same way. It could all depend on how they feel internally and on the effect the other person has on them.
It is said that the best way to find out how someone will behave in the future is to look at how they have behaved in the past. This is because human beings are creatures of habit and tend to do the same things over and over again.
Change With Love Makers
There is also the chance that someone will change and do something else, but they might not. If one is doing something that is having a positive impact on their life then there would be no reason for them to change.
The problems will arise when they end up doing something over and over again that is not having a positive impact on their life. So instead of one being able to move forward, they end up going backwards.
Patience
If one takes their time when they meet someone, they might say that this is the best approach as it allows them to see what the other person is like. One could say that a company wouldn't just hire another person without finding out about them first.
This could be classed as the logical approach and one that may lead to the best outcome. Their body may want things to progress a lot faster and their heart might feel drawn to the other person, but they are able to delay gratification.
Impatience With Love Makers
When one doesn't take their time, it could be said they ignore their head or that they just trust their intuition. It then like hiring someone based on how one feels about the other person and not because of their credentials.
To some people, this approach is going to be seen as being illogical and the one that is likely to lead to the worst outcome. They are being guided by their body and their heart, and it is not possible for them to delay gratification.
Black And White With Love Makers
However, whether this relates to someone's personal relationships or to someone who employers others, there are going to examples that support both outlooks. There are going to be people who go with how they feel and end up with people who are perfect for them.
Just as there will be people who hire people based on how they feel and they end up with the ideal employee. It is then not about one approach being better than the other; as they will both have a time and a place.
Is It Working? With Love Makers
If one is getting attached too soon and ends up with the wrong kind of people and gets hurt, it is then going to be important for them to try another approach. To get attached straight away might be what feels right and if this is the case, it is going to a challenge for them to do something else.
While one's feelings can be an expression of their intuition, they can also be the result of emotional pain that they have not processed. So as one heals their pain, their intuition is likely to improve.
Getting Attached With Love Makers
Based on how one feels when they meet someone, it might not matter whether the other person is right for them or not. The fact that they are there could be enough for one to get attached to them.
Their friends may even warm them and say the other person is not right for them and one may see the signs themselves. But their feelings take over and it doesn't matter what is taking place in their head or what others say.
Conflict With Love Makers
This may be how one has behaved for many years and they might not be able to see that there is another way, and that their mind can work with their body. As one ends up being attached to others so soon, it would be easy to say this is because of the effect other people have on them, but this is not the complete truth.
It also comes down to what is taking place within them and how this is behind their need to merge with other people. If it was only about what takes place externally, then one wouldn't be able to do anything about what is happening.
Abandonment With Love Makers
One is likely to have a fear of being abandoned and through becoming attached to another person; it allows them to regulate how they feel. They are going to believe that if they attach to them, they won't be left.
But their behaviour could have the opposite effect and end up pushing other person away. The reason they feel as they do is likely to be the result of what happened during their childhood.
Childhood With Love Makers
This is likely to have been a time where one's caregiver/s was emotionally and physically unavailable. To be left during these early years would have felt like death and this is because one wouldn't have had the ability to regulate their emotions.
And as they were left during these years, there is also the chance they ended being smothered. This could be described as a natural consequence of having a caregiver that was out of touch with their needs.
Awareness With Love Makers
So while one may get attached to others too soon due to the fear of being abandoned, they might also end the relationship because they end up feeling smothered. One's childhood is long behind them, but the emotional experiences of the past have remained within them.
The assistance of a therapist or a healer will enable one to face and release their trapped emotions.

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy." More Info From Love Makers Click Here

Valentine's Day, Love, Sex, Submission, Self-Awareness and Intimate Relationships With LOVE Makers

By: Love Makers

On Valentine's Day, 14th February, the Holland's newspaper "de Volkskrant" has published a Skype interview with Jacky St. James, a successful porno writer and director. In it she spoke about the film "Fifty Shades of Grey". According to St. James, the relationship between "Mr. Grey" and Anastasia Steele is one which intends to always satisfy and give pleasure to him. This is old-fashioned, she says, the man "who doesn't want her enough; she who is driven by the need to be kept by him. It suggests", Jacky St. James continues, "that women's worth is dependent on the love of the man". with Love Makers.
St. James doesn't like the message of "Fifty Shades of Grey". Bdsm-relationships, she says (which stand for: bondage & discipline [bd]; dominance & submission [ds]; and sadism & masochism [sm]) should NOT be one in which the man is domineering and the woman submitting. Rather, it needs to be one in which both the man and the woman want to engage, not one which the woman agrees to in order to please the man.
Unfortunately, there are many - both men and women - who tend to satisfy their partner in order to be loved, be "kept" and stay together. There are many who don't have the courage to express what they want and don't want (in sex); what they want and don't want in the relationship. There are many who do whatever they can in order in order to have a partner; to not be alone; to have their needs of love fulfilled - at the expense of giving up on their own will; desire; self-worth.with Love Makers.
Giving yourself to your partner, submitting yourself and letting your partner control you and make all decisions may sound, on the surface, nice, compromising, and accepting. But in the long run such an attitude might come back to haunt you and might harm your relationships.
Becoming a victim within the relationship - which at first you might think is a good way to behave, showing so much love and acceptance - might end up sabotaging you and the relationship. Slowly but surely such a behavior might cause you disappointment, bitterness, anger and disillusion.
Your initial intentions when first beginning a relationship might be good ones; but your submission behaviors might be counterproductive. If you find yourself in similar relationships time and again, it might mean - there is something which drives you to behave that way, and as long as you don't find out what this "something" is and take the steps to change, you will continue falling into relationships which are not healthy for you.
Looking inside yourself and contemplating about whatever it is that drives you to behave in ways which eventually sabotage the relationship, you might find out that you are too dependent on love; too needy; too insecure; too fearful of being alone. Looking inside and being honest with yourself you might begin to understand the reasons for your needs and insecurity: be it the home in which you grew up; the unconscious competition you might have had with one of your siblings; your parents' control over you, and many more reasons, unique to you. with Love Makers.
If you truly want to find out what drives you to fall into relationships which are no good for you and how to change, looking inside means: you begin to develop your Self-Awareness - becoming aware of whatever it is that controls your needs, feelings, attitudes and behaviors. Becoming aware of how you shoot yourself in the foot in relationships.with Love Makers
It is when you develop Self-Awareness that you can stand on your two feet and approach partners and relationships with a sense of empowerment. The Journey to Self-Awareness is a journey in which you grow up, get to know and understand things about yourself you haven't known until now, acknowledge and accept things you might have tended to ignore and deny.
The journey to Self-Awareness is therefore a process which frees you from unhealthy emotional and behavioural patterns, one which paves the way for you to find a partner with whom to develop a successful intimacy.

Doron Gil, Ph.D., is a university teacher, workshop leader, counsellor and consultant. In his book: "The Self-Awareness Guide to a Successful Intimate Relationship Love Makers shows the importance of self-awareness to building a successful intimacy: Love Makers

Top Tips to Build Relationships in Organizations With Love Makers

 By: Love Makers

Activity to build relationships with others With Love Makers
Take a moment and think about a leader in your organization whom you would consider best in maximizing relationships. How do you describe such a leader? Some descriptions that may immediately come to mind are trustworthy, empathy, concerned for others, understanding, building employee commitment and engagement and motivating.
Leaders and their subordinates or employees need to build a trusting and positive relationship so that they are able to achieve the objectives of the organization effortlessly. It is always best to build relationship before conflict occurs as this enables you to solve problems in an effective manner.
Activities that can help build relationships with others
Survival scenarios With Love Makers - Give the team a survival scenario (like a plane crash or getting lost in the desert) where they have to communicate and help each other to survive. This activity will test the ability of each individual to communicate with the group so that they are able to survive.
Mine field - This is an ideal activity if you have a large room. You can set up a mine field using objects found in the office (chairs, boxes, files or any other objects) that can cause an obstacle. Divide the team into pairs. It is a perfect opportunity to team individuals having issues with each other so that they are able to work with each other as partners and overcome the obstacles.
Improving communication with drawing activity With Love Makers - In this exercise you can divide the team into a group of two and make them sit with their back to each other. You can give one member a paper and pencil and the other member a picture. The person with the picture can give instructions to the person with the paper and pen. After they have completed the exercise, it can be used to interpret the ability to communicate and understand in an effective manner.
Depending on the team size and industry, you can choose from hundreds of activities that help strengthen and maximize relationships. You do not have to spend a lot of time and energy to plan events that can bond the team. All that you need to do is to create opportunities that enable everyone to interact. Ensure that any activity that you plan is not competitive as you do not want them to work against each other but with each other.
Activities that help build relationships with others can be a powerful way to develop strengths and address weaknesses. It can be used to unite a group and improve the problem solving abilities of the team. You need to remember that these activities need to be an ongoing process instead of a couple of such events each year.
It is important that the activities are planned with a proper goal in mind; otherwise they may be a waste of time and effort. If they are planned and carried out in a strategic manner they can become part of the corporate culture. When individuals and teams start collaborating with each other it can help in maximizing relationships easily.

If you need more information about building relationships in organizations, you can choose to visit the link provided CONTINUE READING With Love Makers

Talking to a Brick Wall By LOve Makers

By: Love Makers

Did you ever feel that you were talking to a brick wall? Recently, I've been watching this in action with a mother. I keep hearing her say the same things over and over to her child and she thinks it's penetrating. But, it's not. It only looks like it is.
"Do you want to grow up to be like your father?" The implication is clear. His father is lazy, lacks ambition, isn't too smart, does the barest amount of work, if that much, and lives on a shoestring because he doesn't want to work. Grow up to be like him? No, of course not. But what are you doing to change the trajectory of your life?
Every day, she comes home from work to find him watching NetFlix. He does the barest amount of homework during school hours, gets B's and C's, barely, when he's smart enough to get all A's, and doesn't move a muscle to help around the house unless she gives him specific chores to do. Simple chores. Empty the garbage. When you see the garbage can getting full, empty it. That has to be told to him? Over and over?
If you're hungry, start dinner so we'll be ready to eat when I get home from doing backbreaking work all day. Again, that has to be told to him? The apartment needs to be vacuumed. He can't take a vacuum to the small floors and vacuum, mostly his crap? No, when she gets home from having worked at a backbreaking job all day, she's the one who has to clean the house, his dinner dishes included, while he goes into his bedroom to watch more Netflix.( This Article Create Only Love Makers )
She's always complaining of never having the money to buy anything for herself because she's always putting his needs first. The other day, I committed heresy. I told her that in a few months, he'll be of age to be considered an adult and she ought to start treating him like one or he will grow up to be just like his father.
I told her that if he has so much spare time on his hands, he needs to get a part-time job and contribute money to the household. She thought about it and then told me what she was going to say to him when she got home that night. I listened carefully and then told her that she wasn't saying a darn thing that was any different from what she had been telling him for almost sixteen years.
At least as a starting point, you don't say to your kid, "Things are going to be different around here." He's heard that all his life. No, when you get home, just give him a list of chores that have to be done.
"Billy, vacuum the apartment while I'm starting supper." If he reaches for the refrigerator without vacuuming the apartment... "No, Billy, That's my food that I paid for. You want food? Vacuum the apartment or pay me for the food you want to eat." Treat him like the adult he is and little by little, he'll become the adult you want him to be. Continue to treat him like a spoiled child with entitlement issues, and he'll grow up to be exactly like his father.

Connie H. Deutsch is an internationally known business consultant and personal advisor who has a keen understanding of human nature and is a natural problem-solver.
Connie is the author of the books, "Whispers of the Soul," "A Slice of Life," "Whispers of the Soul for the Rest of Your Life," "From Where I'm Sitting," "View from the Sidelines," "Reaching for the Brass Ring of Life," "Purple Days and Starry Nights," "Here and There," "And That's How it Goes," and "The Counseling Effect." LOve Makers  WEBSITE  See more of her articles by clicking here LOVE MAKERS ConnieHDeutsch Articles

After Your Gift Has Been Delivered

By:Love Makers

There has been so much in the news about the advances made in robotic science, that it gives one pause to question whether one should hold onto old emotional prejudices.
We see robots being taught to do complex things like solving Rubik's Cube in a matter of seconds. We see them being taught to use their powers of observation to make emotional decisions. It is no longer a matter of watching a robot vacuuming your house or bringing you a drink or turning on your oven to start your dinner before you get home from work. Now, they are being taught to think and to build other robots just like themselves.
About six months ago, we saw a clip of a car driving itself down the Autobahn, the most dangerous 8,000 mile network in Germany where the human driver of the car climbed over the back seat to test the robotic safety system of the Infiniti Q50 to see how active the Active Lane Control feature really is, but there was no clip to show us that this robotic feature had any emotions while taking over the functions of a human driver.
I was just about getting ready to set aside my human panic attack at seeing some of these daredevil stunts done by robots when a very human thought occurred to me.
This had nothing to do with the kinds of extraordinary things that today's robots are being taught. One of those things that robots are being taught is to sit in front of a TV and watch the way humans act, how they emote, how they interact with other humans, etc. In fact, they are being taught, by watching TV, how to think and how to behave just like us.
No, this thought that roams around in my head has nothing to do with that. It has to do with the human emotion of gift giving. When you don't live near enough to your friend or relative to give him or her a birthday present or a Christmas present, the best you can do is talk to each other on the phone or see each other on Skype. But that doesn't really do it for most of us.
There's no robot that can tap into my excitement when a family member sends me an unusual gift. We have a tradition of opening our gifts by phone.
When my birthday rolls around, I don't want to look at the clock and see that it's after midnight, so it's all right to open my gifts because it's legitimately my birthday. No, I want to open my gift with my family member on the other end of the phone so that our real reactions to the gift comes through the wires. A robot will never be able to take the place of someone I love.
And, if I send a gift, do I really want a robot to thank me for it? No, I do not. If I send someone flowers, I want to hear the person's voice on the other end of the phone telling me what the flowers look like and if they have a nice fragrance or whether the arrangement looks like the picture of it that I saw online.
I don't want a robot thanking me for the flowers I sent; I want to share the emotions that went with selecting the gift for someone special. I want to feel that excitement, and no robot can replace that emotion for me.

Connie H. Deutsch is an internationally known business consultant and personal advisor who has a keen understanding of human nature and is a natural problem-solver.
Connie is the author of the books, "Whispers of the Soul," "A Slice of Life," "Whispers of the Soul for the Rest of Your Life," "From Where I'm Sitting," "View from the Sidelines," "Reaching for the Brass Ring of Life," "Purple Days and Starry Nights," "Here and There," "And That's How it Goes," and "The Counseling Effect." Her website: CLICK HERE See more of her articles by clicking here ConnieHDeutsch Articles

Into the Hands of Fate - When There's No Easy Way Out

 By: Love  Makers

He first noticed her entering the elevator; just noticed her for some reason. He began seeing her leaving his building several times during the week. Their eyes met in a casual, friendly kind of way. Finally, he approached her; "Are you a new arrival in our building?" She seemed surprised, "Heavens no, I've worked here for years!" He was surprised, why was he suddenly noticing her? "Have you ever seen me in this building?" She laughed, "I only noticed you in the elevator a few days ago to be honest, are you new here?" He had been working in the building for 19 years; how odd he thought.
He was surprised that the stranger seemed to be occupying his mind lately. His marriage was indestructible - everyone said so; he considered it to be the most solid part of his life. "Married for twenty years and still acting like newlyweds", that's what all their friends said; it was how he felt! His favorite part of the day was arriving home and seeing his children run to meet his car. They hung onto him all the way to the door, where he was always met with a kiss by Lisa. Leo was a lucky man!
He noticed that Lisa was wearing sweat pants; just noticed, that's all. She looked good in everything to Leo. Looking back, he remembered thinking that this is where it all began, the unraveling of his life. Such a simple thing, the sweat pants, meaningless really, yet he remembered that night when his friends asked him what happened. It seemed like nearly every day after that he began noticing some simple little thing about Lisa that made him see her in a different light. He wondered what the hell had happened.
Carla was her name, the woman in the elevator that he kept bumping into. The next day, when they ran into each other again, they laughed together. By the end of the week, they began learning more about each other. She was married with two children, happily she said. He told her about Lisa. Carla and Lisa couldn't be more different. Carla had always worked in management; she had a confident walk, dressed for success and seemed very businesslike. Lisa loved the outdoors, gardening and was a terrific stay at home Mom; exactly the kind of woman he wanted.
Soon he was having lunch with Carla in the cafeteria, then occasional dinners. They had a lot in common; enjoying so many of the same interests it was eerie. He found himself lying to Lisa, knowing she would never understand. How could she? He did not understand his fascination with Carla. Faster than he could ever have imagined, they were in bed together. Then weekends together that progressed to an imaginary week long business trip where they both admitted they could not stay with their spouses. Leo had no idea what had happened, or how things had changed so rapidly. He only knew how he felt inside. He was elated and miserable at the same time. His perfect life was tattered and torn into pieces; part of him was miserable, the other more excited than he had been in years.
He looked in the mirror and hated his own reflection. He was a liar and a cheat. He looked into his children's eyes knowing he had violated everything he had taught them; he felt like a fraud, he was a fraud. He could no longer look into Lisa's eyes. Some things are worth fighting for; he always believed his marriage was. Some feelings will never die; like those he had for Carla. He felt like fate had caught up with him; the beautiful life he had taken for granted for so many years was a mockery that taunted him now. He had to tell Lisa; at least he could resolve the liar issue which was deeply troubling to him.
Leo moved into an efficiency apartment the next day. Telling Lisa and facing his children had been the most difficult time in his life. Odd, Carla was also going through the same issues in her own marriage; but this time they were not comfortable sharing the stories. There is something deeply private about your life shattering into pieces; some strange sense of loyalty to all that life had been before it fell apart. He felt like a prisoner to his feelings; he wondered if giving in had been wrong.
The process of unraveling his life was like an endless road; like shedding his own skin. It was painful; he realized how much of himself he had lost while he was entwined in their long relationship. It was over now; there was no shortcut home even if he had wanted to ask for a second chance. Lisa had a new boyfriend. Carla was trying to work things out with her husband and family. Leo was left wondering how it all had happened, why they had suddenly noticed each other and what had happened to his perfect life. Whatever it was, there is no easy way out; there never is. He knew one thing for sure now; think long and hard before you destroy something important in your life. Nothing is indestructible.

To learn more about this author and her available books PLEASE VISIT HERE

Fifty Plus Dating

By: Love Makers

Fifty plus dating, is, according to the optimistic; forty plus dating, this is because fifty is the new forty, sixty is the new fifty and so on. A New York Times article reported that seventy- nine million baby boomers, which represent about twenty-six percent of the USA's population are redefining what it means to be older. The same can be said for much of the population of the western world.
For example, stigma regarding middle-aged and older people looking for love and companionship is hopefully outdated. Seniors in the main are healthier, hardworking and generally look better than our predecessors. The outlook therefore is brighter.
According to a survey taken in 2003, one of the main reasons why people date is to find someone to talk to, and someone to do things with. Sex is important, sure, but it's not the whole story.
If you are fifty plus and recently divorced, separated or widowed, it may make sense to take a step back and reflect on your life before jumping straight back into a full on relationship. Some of us tend to look for the same type of mate, hoping to create a sense of familiarity, even if the relationship wasn't all that great. For example a friend of mine tended to only date, strong, wealthy, alpha male types, but then, spent the whole time complaining that she was in danger of losing her own identity and, also, being controlled by them. After a brief spell with a counsellor she discovered that her father was a similar type of man. On the one hand his behaviours made her feel safe, secure, and loved, and on the other she felt stifled, suffocated and not in control of her own life. Getting a balance for her meant living on her own for several months, gaining confidence in her own abilities and have positive experiences without having to lean on anyone other than herself. This respite from relationships gave her an altogether different perspective. She now lives with a Yoga teacher, who eats Vegan food, and is always, laid back, mellow and not in the least wealthy.
Dating in middle age equals baggage, you have both had separate adult lives. This means other children, ex-spouses, mothers, sisters, the list can be endless. We need to accept the other person as an autonomous individual. It isn't always possible to enter into things as lightly as you may once have done. So I guess the consequences of dating in middle age can have a ripple effect. It takes courage to get back into the dating game, but you really have nothing to lose if you are savvy and confident. For those of us who aren't, there are dating coaches out there that can help you navigate the whole process.
Putting yourself out there is tough, the best way forward for most of us, is for two strong independent people to get together and just enjoy each other.

Linda Thurlow is a professional writer on many subjects including relationships and dating. In this instance the subject matter is DATING  OVER 50 IN THE WORLDWIDE. AND SENIORS DATING

Love Doesn't Live Here Anymore - There's No Reason to Stay

By: Love Makers

Strange how something so life-altering comes stealing in like fog that rolls in and grows denser until it obscures the landscape; you wake up one day and it feels like a stranger is in your bed. Gone is the thrill of seeing their face, of robbing one more minute of time from the day to cuddle or of a shared yawn. Gone; what happened, where did the road turn, taking you to this strange place?
Barring some major event that you can't ignore, when relationships end the norm is that you just drift apart, barely noticing when it really ended. When did you stop paying attention, or realize you had less and less to talk about? When did you stop wondering why it can't be like it was before? About the time these thoughts become your reality, you mentally left with your heart in your hands; safe from any further breakage. Maybe you didn't say so; it's like a ballgame that should be over, called by run rules. Too far gone to make a comeback and win. You keep playing the game because you started playing on a team and it's all you know how to do; but not because your heart is in it.
If you stay long enough, even the pain is obliterated. Like a storm with winds blowing sand across the hills and valleys of what used to be, the tears, the fears and the resignation, all covered by the sands of time. And still, you stay. It's hard to change, to put an end to your plans. It's like having a relationship that is on a ventilator. Could it be saved if you just gave it more time? If you disconnect it, are you killing something precious? Over and over these thoughts roll across your mind; still, you know it is too late to save, too much damage has occurred. It takes courage to acknowledge this, and leaving is such a chore.
These emotions are all human, many fueled by the picture we painted in our mind. To really fall in love with another person requires a great deal of vision, imagination, faith in what can only be dreamed of and the willingness to trust. It is not easy to paint over all those glorious colors and images that we worked so hard to put on the canvas of our relationship. You don't have to hurry; you may have a lifetime to decide. But everyone loses when you both refuse to read the handwriting that is clearly written across the canvas.
There is an imaginary game some people play; it's called "I am staying because it would break their heart if I leave." You're kidding yourself; don't imagine that your partner has not noticed that you are absent in the relationship. People fight change; it's a little frightening. We image that we are safer in the place we know than the alternative that is unknown and strange to us.
If you are out of a relationship, own up to it. Freedom for both of you to begin again and build the best that can be in your lives is a single honest conversation away. It requires something that is difficult for humans, not so much for animals. You have to disconnect from emotion, delusion and denial. Logic rules when you are making life altering changes. Use the head on your shoulders to arrive at a logical conclusion. Oddly, the heart rarely leads us astray. It knows what it feels; its judgment is impeccable. Our hearts ability to correctly identify what is before it is obscured by the fog of denial and delusion. We're the masters of illusion when we play this game.
When it's time to close the door, do it without drama, chaos or confusion. Choose a simple straightforward approach without recriminations or the need to make the decision anyone's fault. This allows you to exit intact. There is no way to see what can be until you stop looking back. Your response to everything that happens in your life is the only control you will ever have; this is absolute. Make your response one that allows you to leave without a collision. You write the story; make the ending one that is memorable and that leaves you unbroken and proud of your efforts.

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Stigma of Polyamorous Relationships

By:Love Makers

In American culture, relationships, commitment, and sex are synonymous with monogamy. However, this is not always the case. Monogamy is defined by Merriam-Webster as "the state or practice of being married to only one person at a time" or "of having only one sexual partner during a period of time." Alternatively, polyamory is defined as "the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time."
The word polyamory derives from both Greek (poly) and Latin (amory) roots and can be directly translated to mean "many loves." This is an idea of which popularity has risen a great deal in mainstream media over the last couple of decades.
To the average American, monogamy represents a normal part of life. Children grow up dreaming of finding their one-true love or soul-mate, objectives which are heavily emphasized in many popular television shows and film. People who choose a non-monogamous lifestyle are often considered to be violating important social norms. Because monogamy has been weaved into American society over the course of years, there are many factors aiding its persistence in the community. All 50 states in the U.S. have standing laws prohibiting polygamy and nearly half of them have statutes against adultery. The relevance in these laws is that a couple who is married in those states cannot legally be involved in polyamorous relationships, even if those relationships are mutually agreed upon. This increases the likelihood of dissonance occurring between partners in a polyamorous setting.
Religious beliefs, moral edicts, and opinions held by the general public are a few other factors working in favor of monogamy. The concept of polyamory is one which often holds negative connotations among the populace. Many people have moral or religious obligations which hold them back from accepting more liberal approaches to love and relationships. This is important to note because it demonstrates why people may be hesitant in joining a polyamorous community or transitioning into an open relationship.
In general, people tend to view monogamous relationships in a more positive light than polyamorous relationships. The overall consensus held by the general public is that couples in non-monogamous relationships are not happy. One possible reason for this may be that the idea of polyamory threatens the cultural image of what marriage should look like and upsets the status quo. These are only a few of the social hardships couples may face by choosing a polyamorous lifestyle over a monogamous one.
Polyamorous relationships are built on a foundation of open and honest communication among all partners. It has often been emphasized in research that poly love involves hard work along with a dedication to each partner. Polyamory, like monogamy, is rooted in love. This love may be expressed emotionally, spiritually, sexually, or all three. Several researchers have stressed that poly love is based on the values of freedom, honesty, and commitment. This is relevant because it gives a new perspective on how non-monogamous relationships can be arranged. The tendencies to rely on deceit or lies to cover up infidelity are no longer an issue. However, other issues can arise involving the communication between partners. One issue that is often a point of contempt for many people is jealousy.
People often assume that polyamorous relationships are synonymous with feelings of jealousy and betrayal that often rise with the knowledge of their spouse or partner engaging their needs with another lover. However, this is not necessarily a bad thing. Polyamorous relationships open the door for an individual's needs to be met by several partners, which takes the pressure off one romantic partner to meet overset expectations. Some researchers even employ the notion that polyamorous relationships may satisfy a person's sexual and emotional needs to a greater degree than do monogamous relationships. These ideas support the indication that change does occur involving the communication between newly polyamorous couples. However, change is not always a bad thing and may possibly even work to strengthen the honesty and commitment between significant others.CONTINUE READING HERE

Never Say Never Because You Will

By:Love Makers

When I was young and something didn't work out in my favor, I'd say, "I'll never (fill in the missing blanks) and my mother had two favorite comeback lines. She would say, "Never is a long time" or she would say, "Never say never."
In the early days, I would scoff at her and say such stupid things like, "I mean it, Mom. I'll NEVER... " and before long, "NEVER" would come up and bite me in the rear end.
It took a lot of experiences for me to learn that "never" comes sooner than we can imagine. I'd no sooner say it, than I'd be face-to-face with a similar situation and I'd feel like I had no choice but to do what I said I would never do again.
I've never enjoyed eating crow, with or without ketchup or other seasonings, so I learned to think that I'd never do the same thing again, but I wouldn't say it aloud. My mother usually knew what I was thinking and, she was kind enough not to say it but, there were many times I caught her smiling when she thought I wasn't looking.
And, of course, her other comeback line, "Never is a long time," always made me think that I would outlive that time but that, of course, was when I was very young and hadn't experienced enough of life to know that you don't have to live a hundred years to find out that "never" doesn't take a hundred years to come back and make you regret ever having said that.
Maybe kids are more savvy today than they were in my day; maybe they don't think they can outlive the fates or fool them into thinking they're too smart to use the word, "never" but I'll bet they have other expressions that are similar to the ones we used. They may not sound the same, but I'll bet they mean the same.
Kids of all generations have certain things in common, not just their youth and inexperience. They think they're invincible and immortal and that they can fool their parents. I remember being that age and not realizing that whatever I was doing or wanted to do, my parents had already done it when they were my age and knew how to stop me from getting too close to the edge of the cliff that other kids were jumping off of.
Although I didn't learn not to say "never" when I was young, I eventually learned not to even think it when I got older. Experience goes a long way. I now know that "never" comes sooner than I'd like and stays in my life longer than I ever imagined.
So, for now, I'll just say... "Never say never" and be prepared for much more than you bargained for.

Connie H. Deutsch is an internationally known business consultant and personal advisor who has a keen understanding of human nature and is a natural problem-solver.CONTINUE READING

Round And Round It Goes - Which Country Nobody Knows! Keeping Perspective While Changing Lives

By: Love Makers

Have you ever wanted to live in more than one place at a time? Felt constricted by tradition and wondered how you could live all the lives you had created in your mind in just one lifetime? I have.
Next month I may end up in a completely new country. My job and life may change. New language, culture, neighborhoods, foods, places to discover, and per usual, finding the cool little places where the locals go. Its' exciting, its challenging, its' disorienting, and it's my evolution.
I find myself scanning the internet, always on the lookout for interesting offers, jobs, retreats, volunteerism. This could be my second life, my third, or even the one that just lets me feel grounded. But what would that take? How far would I travel to find home?
I can't decide if I'm regressing back into childhood or having an early midlife crisis. The difference. Children are so oblivious to people in lieu of their playtime. They don't wonder if the game they've created is understood or approved by the adults around them. They'll create fun out of sticks, stones, insects, and things you don't want them to touch. Just minutes ago, I had an abnormally monstrous size pine cone wiz by my face as a group of kids played what resembled a game of pine cone tag. The 'game' of a mid lifer's crisis' on the other hand are preoccupied, indecisive. They can be fickle as they re-collect all the past years, can't make sense of the current years, and ponder the future ones.
I left Central America to return to the states, and spent time living between Utah and India until my recent arrival in Spain. I was immediately comfortable in Barcelona, have a great position, access to beautiful places, travel, things, new acquaintances, but yet had an uneasy feeling in my stomach. This unease has prompted me to ponder changes in my life, living as an expat, my family, work, and that undefined question... Happiness?
Barcelona is a stopover country on my way to I don't know where. I could take a position in Doha, or the Mexican Riviera. I can go where I want. Its' a game of roulette, whichever comes first, I'll take it. Right now I feel, if I just keep moving, countries, jobs, people, that the sheer lack of inertia will keep me from having to answer the question. What would it take to make me really happy? What does that mean? Questions come in troves as I ponder the sheer magnitude of life.
At the same time that I love this city, I hate it. At the same time I'm comfortable, I'm still a foreigner. Where I find peace, I also find my emotions volatile, I feel free and child like, but burdened and old. No, I'm not bi-polar, nor ever lived my life irresponsibly. In fact I've been the one mothering my friends, leaning on the conservative side, pulling people back from the edge, and taking the job of motherhood very seriously.
Though I've made career decisions to live as an expat with my son years ago, I'd never taken uncalculated risks. With the past 8 years revolving around expat life, some friends envy me, others think I'm crazy, and family... Let's just say they're not supportive.
Now for the first time, I'm questioning decisions, feel restless, and am embarking on a new exploration that is more strange and more unsettling than the most foreign and far away land could be. Part of this reconciling with past and present is an affliction that comes with expat -hood.
Thrown into this concoction is the recent and unexpected fact that I no longer have my son with me as he fights to enter young adulthood and is too busy orbiting a destructive biological father whom he wants to familiarize himself with, and the final depletion of a 6 year marriage that became destructive and shameful. My deepest, darkest feelings now coming to the surface.
I'm fully aware that this combination of events, while navigating my new surroundings has created a Molotov cocktail. Keep the lighters away please. My previous expat relocations seemed to have been so effortless compared to this. So deciding if I'm childlike or pre-crisis doesn't really need to be decided concretely right now. Both are unaware, confused about who they are or where life is going from time to time, and both can be uncertain of the validity of their decisions.
That leaves 'Happiness'? Well-being, bliss, peace of mind, hopefulness, joy... Knowing what it would take to make that uneasy feeling in my stomach go away, I'm not quite there yet. I know that I am on a journey, and it will come.
Travel for me has always been a stress reliever, an apprenticeship of life, a dream experience where I could safely observe cultures, languages and people, participating in them as much or as little as I wanted. Its' part of who I am. I doesn't make me impulsive, or illogical. The objectivity in my panoramic perspective is still there. The answer to the ultimate question of happiness is within reach.
For now I'll enjoy a late night viewing of young couples performing Flamenco in a quaint bar in Placa Rieal, sip a 'copa de vino blanco', and at some point, make my way back home. Though, I'm alone, it's hard to feel very lonely amongst so many people, there is always something to do. This is home for now, until the unease becomes too great, or the seduction of more money, a more attractive position, exotic location, or even the enticement a new person becomes too enticing. Who knows, it could be my fourth life.
We as women, are built with extraordinarily strength, creatures with soul. As expat's we are a breed amongst ourselves, whether we are an accompanying partner, a professional, a mother, or most likely a combination of all of the above. It's easy to doubt perspective amid change.
For now, I don't care if those around me approve of or understand of my "game". Life is a game for all of us. For the first time its' just me, and my journey has just begun. CONTINUE READING HERE